SCRIPT TO SCREEN - PITCH FEEDBACK

PITCH FEEDBACK BY STEVE COOMBE AND SIMON





















Today we had to pitch our idea to Simon and Steve, I was second in the running.

After my pitch I was given some feedback, fortunately the premise of my idea was not criticked, but a few additional twists where received.

Steve suggested that the conversation between Josh and Annie should begin with her asking Josh for something that should be forbidden, like asking him to go and get her a cigarette or a whisky.

Josh refuses because he is only 10, Joshes phone then dies.

Simon suggested that when the nurse comes in at the end its then revealed that it is Josh that is there waiting for his treatment, but why would Josh be there by himself ? maybe Josh's mum had to work so could only get there when she finished and maybe Josh's school is next to the hospital, that could be in the dialogue.

The big reveal will be at the end.

Steve suggested (in the break) that I should look at the words on a scrabble board, so there could be word that start off as if they where swear words but will end up something different.

I will take the advice on board but I defiantly like the idea that it's Josh that is actually sick.

I will also input a moment where it is Josh looking at pictures of him and his mum on Instagram so the audience is fooled.